


What's in a Name?

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Drabble, Family, Hellspawn, Human Bill Cipher, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2015-10-27
Packaged: 2018-04-28 11:42:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5089421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently, the power to turn a five year old into a literal demon. Which is why Bill and Dipper will never, ever call their daughter by her real, full name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's in a Name?

**Author's Note:**

> I read too much BillDip last night. This is the result.
> 
> (I don't know why this is my guilty pleasure ship; I just like it. That is, if Bill was canonically more like Tom from SVTFOE. But no, Bill Cipher has to be a creep. Thank God we have fanfiction.)

“She’s your daughter, Pine Tree,” Bill said, with gritted teeth. “Of course she would go lurking through the attic and find the one binding, legal document she’s never allowed to see.”

Dipper frowned, “I don’t see the big deal. It’s just her birth certificate.”

Bill groaned. “That’s the whole fucking point,” he declared. “The number one demon rule: you can never know your real name. You take your own. And even if she’s half, the rule still applies. At least she doesn’t know how to read-”

“Daaaddy! Papa!”

“Yet,” he muttered.

Dipper paused. “So, wait, Bill Cipher isn’t your real name,” he deadpanned.

Bill crossed his arms, tapping his foot against the wooden floor. “Yes,” he said, with a flourish in his voice- and he managed to jump down his mate’s throat before anything else could be said. “And technically, I didn’t lie to you, because I don’t even know what my real name is. Not one single demon does. We all claim them ourselves.”

The man and the demon fell quiet when their young daughter stumbled in, innocent and naive as she held out a piece of parchment.

“Can one of ya tell me what this says?” she piped up, bouncing up and down cutely.

“Missy,” Dipper said slowly. “Um-”

God, why did he ever agree to _that name_? The one on her birth certificate, of course. The nickname, he had made up all on his own.

Bill waved his daughter off, “We’re talking for a moment, sapling. Can you give us a moment?”

Missy frowned, pointing at one of her fathers. “What’s the magic word, Papa?” she pouted.

“Please,” Bill mumbled, clearly displaying that it damn near killed him to say it.

“Kay-kay!” Missy beamed, skipping out of the room.

“She’s hanging around your sister too much,” Bill spoke up once their daughter was out of sight. Once he noticed his husband’s glare, he sighed. “Look, if a demon’s real name is said out loud, then all of their power is revealed and basically, they can destroy the world. We can never use her real name, do you hear me? And if she says it, we’re more or less done for.”

Dipper rolled his eyes. “Bill, she’s five, I don’t think she can figure out what that says,” he retorted.

Bill stiffened his lip. “And we have to make sure she never sees that again,” he said, then raising a finger. “Before you ask, _no_ , we can’t get rid of it or burn it or throw it out. As idiotic as it is, it’s virtually impossible to destroy a demon’s birth certificate.”

A sigh escaped Dipper, and he looked at his husband sincerely. “Fine,” he said. “I’ll be sure to lock up the attic this time.”

To others, Bill’s smile would have sent people screaming. But by now, Dipper had gotten used to it- which was why he planted a quick kiss right on that spine-chilling, toothy grin. Together, they walked back into the other room, where their daughter was squinting at her birth certificate, trying to read the words…

...of course, she might have figured it out, had Bill not levitated the paper out of her tiny hands and rolled it up.

“Hey!” Missy whined, as she stuck her lip out cutely.

“You don’t wanna read that boring document, kid,” Bill laughed. “How’s about your pop and I tell you about the time I turned his exboyfriend into a ghost? Ironic too, considering-”

“Or, we could just read her another Magic Tree House book,” Dipper said, trying his hardest not to glare.

Bill chuckled, and tucked the paper in the back of his pocket. “That works too,” he replied coolly. “Look, you two, go ahead with the story. I’ll catch up.” With a wink to his daughter - and a well-hidden playful smack to his husband’s rear - Bill sauntered out of the room, and took the stairs to the attic two at a time.

His daughter could never see this document.

To the world, she would always be Missy Pines.

In _his_ realms, she was Mephistopheles Andromeda Cipher.

Either way, she’d be the impossible child.

**Author's Note:**

> ...I can't believe I named their daughter after a Marilyn Manson song.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
